“Jealousy – that sickening combination of possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation – can overtake your mind and threaten your very core as you contemplate your rival” – Helen Fisher

Jealousy, in unhealthy doses, in any type of a relationship is a terribly dangerous thing… and here’s why: It is born out of a place of insecurity, desperation, and possessiveness. You’re insecure because you’re not sure if you really like them or if they really like you. You’re desperate because you’re clinging on to a ‘perfect person’ that you’ve come to believe in. You want to possess them. Think about that!

You see them as your property and that you have all the rights to their way of life.

This is why jealousy can be dangerous. There are many emotions that we experience in the space of 24 hours… and jealousy is one of those feelings that we may or may not be aware of. Stemming from the French word jaloux, jealousy does not always have to be in a romantic form. It could also be seen in friendships and workplaces.

Jealousy can push people into doing crazy things. It can push people over the edge and commit serious crimes.

Jealousy in an ideal dose is necessary to maintain relationships. As ridiculous as this may sound, some psychologists argue that, you can feel jealous of someone in a healthy way. It can lead you to be protective of that certain person or people without having the urge to self-harm or attack a third person.

Think about jealousy as if it is a scale from 1 to 100 and 50 is the breaking point. When one experiences jealousy between 1 to 49 then it is safe. However, let’s say that something triggers a person to have too much of that emotion, that may then lead to the internal destruction of that person and/or can cause harm to others.

Photo: Pro Church Media; Licence: Unsplash

Jealousy can push people into doing crazy things. It can push people over the edge and commit serious crimes. Throughout history, this has been explained through plays and stories – which end in the destruction of one or more people affected by the ‘disease’ and hence called a tragedy. You can find many news on crimes, that are committed because of jealousy, usually of the ‘romantic’ kind. In these cases, when you ask the murderer why they committed such an act, the answer they give is very simple “Because I was jealous”. This is interesting because it is not necessarily a ‘defending answer’ but rather it is the result of something more complex that if the murderer didn’t have a high amount of jealousy running in his or her veins then s/he would’ve not pursued on the act. Yet, jealousy cannot and should not be used as an excuse to defend any act of crime.

But there’s always light at the end of the tunnel… Jealousy is curable. Only if you are aware of it and are willing to seek help. Through psychoanalysis, you can find the root cause of this enraging emotion and cure it. So next time you feel the jealousy monster creeping up on you, ask this one simple question: Are you insecure, desperate or do you have a need to possess the other person? If you answer yes to any of these questions, it is time to walk away from that situation and seek help…

Cover photo: Ming Jun TanLicence: Unsplash

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    Selva Ünal graduated from Economics and Politics from University College, Dublin. A seeker of new ideas and beliefs, she decided to explore the Far East while undertaking a Master’s degree in Asian and International Studies from the City University of Hong Kong. She also has a Master’s in a joint German-Turkish programme in Social Sciences. Her inquisitive life has led her to work in a broad range of careers – research assistant, copy-editor, and a voice-over artist. Now, she aspires to be a well-known writer.

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