In widely reported good news for fans of black humour, United States President-elect Donald Trump is struggling to find American musicians to play at his inauguration ceremony. At E&M we care so very much about poor desperate Donald, that we have decided to offer a few European musicians to him. Read on to find out why…

Robbie Williams:

On New Year’s Eve 2016 the man once recognisable only as ‘Robbie’ played on British television during the run-up to midnight. Needless to say his cover of ‘Freedom’ by the recently deceased George Michael was terrible. Mr. Williams is however a European who has always shown an affinity with the odder conspiracy theories you can find in the United States.

In 2008 he told The Guardian about his obsession with aliens: “”I’ve been spending so much time at home on the internet on sites like I want to do something. I want to go out there and meet these people. I want to be a part of this. I want to do something other than sit in my bed and watch the news.”

So my suggestion is thus, Robbie goes back to America and stays there, having struck a blow for all alien dictators by playing for Donald Trump.

Credit: Manon Weidema (Flickr); Licence: CC BY-SA 2.0

Any takers for Robbie?


Some time ago, Russian duo t.A.T.u. made headlines, largely due to the raunchy lesbian kiss in the video to their break-out hit ‘All The Things She Said’. Based on this, you might think we’d be sending them to taunt Trump with their embrace of diversity. Alas not, relations between Julia Volkova and Lena Katina have degenerated somewhat since 2003.

In 2014 Volkova, despite ‘All The Things She Said’ establishing the pair as lesbian icons, explained that she would “condemn a gay son”. Her bandmate Katina was at least publicly critical of this, but E&M would be interested in seeing this discord on stage soon.

So, they’d be a good choice to send to Washington both to get some rather retrograde views out of Europe, and then this correspondent will be hoping for a full blown fight on stage over a socially progressive issue. In reality, Volkova might make Trump look accepting, and/or might ruin his big party.


Some angry Finnish metal might scare Donald? Maybe.


This is purely vindictive. However the classic Eurodance hit ‘Dragostea Din Tei (Numa Numa)’ by Moldovans O-Zone was quite possibly the most annoying thing to emerge from that part of the world since Dracula. I have absolutely no idea whether they had any other decent songs at all, but your writer would suggest they play ‘Dragostea Din Tei (Numa Numa)’ for Donald a few times. Preferrably outside of his White House bedroom window at about 3AM.

I am sure Mr. Trump will love awaking to the distinctive “mi-a-hee, mi-a-ha, mi-a-ha-ha” chorus.

Big Ali ft. Wati-B

On a similar note, this song baffled me a few years ago. I don’t think Donald Trump would like it. It’s that simple. He’s a bit racist right?

  • retro
    Sam Volpe

    Former Editor

    Samuele Volpe is a real person of age and location undisclosed. For all enquiries please hire a private detective. Or follow him on Twitter @samuelevolpe

You May Also Like

Pitch this: Candy Choo Choo Train

Well, hello, hello reader. Welcome to our shack. Pick your pleasure. We have rainbow ...

In search of Europe’s last vampire

You wouldn’t imagine what happens on Friday night in Hell, Berlin’s latest club. Perfectly ...

Quiz: Stranger than fiction?

True or false? The following headlines and stories published during the past year are ...