Well hello weary surfer. We will tell you what this is all about. We are picking worthy pitches from budding European writers and promoting them to the right people for production. Do you know any interested rich production houses? Two of the previous pitches we selected (here and here) already received prizes for softening and calming effects.

Pitch 3: Multiversal Traveller, by Edmond Bindulu-Graham

Professor Nicolaus Cornerstone is a quantum scientist employed at a cutting-edge security research centre in London, UK. Over the last few years Professor Cornerstone has been working on a device tentatively named “Multiversal translator”. The machine is expected to put to practice a bunch of theoretical hogwash boiling down to the existence of a landscape of possible universes, each encompassing slightly different parameters than the other.

Professor Cornerstone has been working on a device tentatively named “Multiversal translator”. The machine is expected to put to practice a bunch of theoretical hogwash boiling down to the existence of a landscape of possible universes, each encompassing slightly different parameters than the other.

Multiversal translator building kit | Photo: Phil Shirley, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 (Flickr)

Cornerstone is a radical simplicist, believing that complex solutions can be arrived at through the most modest of means. So far, he has worked with a stack of coloured rubber bands and an empty can of hummus dip. His idea is to set up relational infrastructure capable of triggering a quantum leap. The Professor has almost finalized the composition, but struggles to find a trigger that will initiate the event.

One night while doing overtime in the lab, Cornerstone receives a visit by a man in a suit, who claims he is delivering a message from the very top of the country’s political establishment. A band of opposition leaders have expressed a keen interest in transposing Britain to a universe where the EU does not exist, which would also mean backtracking the two world wars. They hope that if the EU does not ensnare Britain the idiotic notion of leaving it will not give rise to the current ruling party core topped by Theresa May. They promise full support with any means necessary.

The Professor has been hidden in his lab for years now and does not know anything about current politics. He opens the newspapers to see where things stand, and just a cursory glimpse fill his eyes with tears of laughter. But there is one news that catches his eye. The prime minister is hoping to pass her withdrawal deal with the EU for the fifteenth time in the Commons, after it was rejected the previous fourteen. Believing he is on to something, Cornerstone, goes back to the lab and frantically checks a few books he has stacked in the toilet.

Soon an idea forms in his head. Going back to the dated theory of eternal return, the universe is nothing but a series of recurring instances, which repeat in a cyclical continuum. Like the barrel of a gun that is eternally loaded with bullets. Particles constantly reconfigure but can take up a finite number of patterns. However, Cornerstone believes that eventually there is a breakthrough, an infinitesimal push that spins the circle in a different direction. If that is true, theorizes the Professor, then Theresa May will eventually pass her deal. And that is the trigger he has been looking for. After, all, the Prime Minister’s ineptitude could save her country from herself.

Cornerstone invents a way to feed the Prime Minister’s Brexit pickle into the created device infrastructure and when everything is ready he pushes the switch. A blue shadow emerges and rapidly swallows everything including the Professor who loses consciousness.

Apparently, there are two Theresa Mays now as democracy in this universe has evolved along the lines of representation by double leadership. There are also two conservative parties and two EUs. And both Theresa Mays have been unable to exit any of the later.

Unsuccessful attempt at finding a Brexit-less universe | Photo: Rick Harris, CC BY-SA 2.0 (Flickr)

When he wakes up the Cornerstone finds himself in the same room and the translator intact, as if nothing has happened. He checks the news and that is when he notices the difference. Apparently, there are two Theresa Mays now as democracy in this universe has evolved along the lines of representation by double leadership. There are also two conservative parties and two EUs. And both Theresa Mays have been unable to exit any of the later.

The Professor staggers back to the machine in an attempt to fix the mess. He uses it multiple times to increasingly dissatisfying results, including a universe where the conservative party does not sacrifice Britain’s EU membership for internal issues. However, Teresa May is still there and still lacks common sense, driving Britain down the sewer anyway. Another universe has the EU not happening, but a third nuclear world war has devastated the planet beyond proper living conditions such as getting hammered at the bar on Friday night.

including a universe where the conservative party does not sacrifice Britain’s EU membership for internal issues. However, Teresa May is still there and still lacks common sense, driving Britain down the sewer anyway.

Cornerstone soon realizes what his mistake has been from the very beginning. The translator does not really provide a way to pick a universe customized to the needs of the user. It is like a TV set with no remote control. Therefore, it will take the same amount of effort to wind up at the desired universe by probability alone. Instead of saving his nation he has doomed it to eternal travel in the multiversal sea without a rudder.

The Professor commits suicide by banging his head repeatedly against the wall. He wakes up to find himself in yet another universe where little pink creatures with the face of Theresa May are grazing the pristine British meadows. The last scene ends with him running and screaming, having apparently lost his mind.

Cover photo: Dean HochmanCC BY 2.0 (Flickr)

  • mm

    Alex is Bulgarian and is currently stationed in Poland. He did Politics & Security at University College London and specialised at Charles University in Prague for a year. He is an analyst with interests in the region of Central and Eastern Europe.

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