Look – sex is natural. Good, even. When we hear about it, it can even be – gasp – titillating. At E&M we have held a long interest in the hard facts and the fascinating whims of sexuality. There’s a whole section for that.

So you may be wondering why sex has migrated into Diaphragm.

Unfortunately, when sex is on the news – rather than, say, in one’s own bedroom – it loses its appeal somewhat.

Here are five examples, ranging from the pretty-damn-awful to the ludicrous. (Via castration.)

5. DSK 

France’s one time political leading light Dominique Strauss-Kahn was a famous proponent of the ‘cinq à sept’. Then he, it is alleged, assaulted a maid in a Manhattan hotel.

Less charming, more charmless.

It was nice to see the scandal disqualify him from standing for the French presidency though, at least. If it was slightly less pleasant to see the testimony of a marginalised woman of colour discredited so widely as a ‘conspiracy’. Bugger that.

4. Silvio meets Ruby

Picture: European Parliament, Licence: CC by SA 2.0

Our man Silvio Berlusconi is often an exceptionally simple punchline. From bunga-bunga to his remarkable ability to stay out of prison, the man is an enigma.

(He’s also a prat, though somehow not even the least pleasant person to run an major Italian political party… Screw you Salvini.)

Noted odious sex-pest and some-time politician Silvio, he needs to be on this list. But his entanglement with notorious sex-worker Ruby el-Mahroug is a bit more complicated.

He allegedly bribed her to lie on the stand and keep him out of jail, after allegedly paying her for sex r at a party.

A friend of hers, supposedly key to unravelling the legal snafu, allegedly was poisoned, recently too. That’s lots of allegedlys.

On the plus-side, Ruby the Heartstealer is an excellent nickname.

Bonus: Trump’s Mario Kart mushroom

Sorry.

3. Peter Abelard

Randy Peter was a 12th century prototype. Ever had a thing for a sexy theology professor but had an uncle keen to keep you apart?

That’s what happened to Heloise Abelard when celebrated philosopher Peter took her as a private pupil in the 1100s.

Love blossomed.

Unfortunately, Heloise’s uncle wasn’t keen on the marriage and like all good over-protective relatives, Canon Fulbert had Peter castrated. Peter then joined a monastic order out of shame, poor bloke.

2. Bozza 

What’s worse than a monk being castrated? Sex with Boris Johnson, surely.

Somehow, this disgustingly British man – a sack of straw and posh pennies who manages to be both quite racist and still a politician with a fair chance of running a country.

And he keeps attracting women.

I don’t get it.

See here.

1. Cristiano Ronaldo

Ah, you weren’t expecting that, were you? This isn’t one we’d all like to forget, no, it’s one everyone seems to have forgotten.

The forgotten man. | Picture: Asad Meah, Licence: Public Domain

Would you imagine writing such glorious headlines as ‘Ronaldo & Juventus will physically destroy Ajax’ about a man accused of murder? Nah, can’t imagine that.

For some reason the European press has found itself suffering from amnesia.

And it’s outrageous.

That’s all.

(Further reading: https://news.sky.com/story/sky-views-the-law-moves-more-slowly-if-youre-ronaldo-11674492)

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