virginity

At E&M we often see sex as a wonderful thing so we never stopped to think that there might be some awkwardness to it: first time sex. We peeked into the lives of six young Europeans to find out how they lost their virginity. Read on! 

Losing your virginity is for most of us an important step into adulthood, the moment  we initiate our sex lives. Some of us do it for peer pressure, others because they felt they had found the right person. Some times it hurts, some other times is absolutely orgasmic. Some of us are nervous, others are confident. Some people ‘have their cherry picked’ with someone from the opposite sex, others in gay sex. Some people don’t even need penetration… The options are vaste, and we went to the streets and asked our audience how their first time was.

Mara Martinez – 25 years old – Spain

Mara

Lost her virginity at the age of 23.

What happened?

Nothing special, I was dating a guy and decided it was a good moment to have sex for the first time. I had been thinking about it for a long time, and one night it eventually happened. Let’s face it: when you are 15 years old you wait for the perfect guy to show up; when you’re 20 you’re looking for a guy whom you really love; at 23 you want a guy whom you like and trust, and that also makes you feel special, appreciated and confortable. So when it happened it was special because I really wanted to do it and, even though I was fearful, I had no doubts about my decision. I was ready and I found the right person to do it with. I was kind of desperate to do it as well…

Are you embarrassed to talk about it?

No. Everyone around me was really waiting for me to loose my virginity and I could give the good news the next day.

Was the event really special in your life?

Yes, it was. It was the first time I felt real passion for a person and, even though I knew our relationship wasn’t going to last, it surely didn’t take away the importance. It was just the beginning…

Did it influence your sex life?

Yes, of course. It was also the first time I was completely naked with a person and let myself be comfortable. It was a good beginning because I enjoyed sex in a very natural way, without pressure or fear.

André Oliveira – 28 years old – Portugal

Lost his virginity at 16.

Andre

How did it happen?

It was during an exchange year abroad. I had a girlfriend who was a year older than me and we had been seeing each other for about a month. There had been some non-intercourse sexual interaction in the previous weeks, desire was building up, and it finally happened on an after-school afternoon at her house.

I was well informed about sex, however, I was feeling a bit nervous and she actually had most of the initiative. Looking back on that adventure, it is clear I underperformed, as I had no idea about how to pleasure to a woman. I remember she had Bob Marley’s ‘Legend’ playing on the stereo – an album I was very familiar with – and I was hoping I would last at least 4 songs. I guess worrying about performance did not really contribute to my enjoyment, so I would say it was not an event that shaped my sexual life at all.

Was it special?

As I was not in the love with my first sexual partner, I really didn’t feel that my first time was a special moment, but I suppose it is still a highlight of my teenage years.

Are you embarrassed to talk about it?

I’m not embarrassed to talk about this at all, but I can’t remember the last time I’ve talked about this subject. I guess it’s considered private data and, let’s face it, your first time is really not something you want to brag about. At least, in my case, it was not anything close to that “beach-sunset” movie-style scene. I wonder if we have too much of a romantic idea of “the first time”.

By the way, I lasted until ‘Buffalo’s Soldier’. That’s song #5. Boom!

Mihai Popescu – 24 years old – Romania

Lost his virginity at the age of 21, on a very hot summer night

Mihai

What happened?

There was no special event or whatsoever. My boyfriend at that time just paid me a visit and after a movie things naturally went towards that. It is true however that I had anticipated it and got informed, as I was very much hoping for it to happen.

What made it special or not so special?

I don’t know if I could call it special, but I could definitely say it was a step forward towards accepting myself as being gay.

Why did you lose it back then?

Back then I felt that it is not our sexuality that defines us, but being human and being able to nourish sentiments for the one around us. I didn’t seize it like the satisfaction of some bare necessities, but as the fruit of some teenagers’ love. That made me stronger and able to accept myself. In fact, I was not doing anything bad to anyone; it was just a way of expressing my love to my dear one.

With whom did you lose your virginity?

It was a boy I was dating for some weeks. There were many factors that made me “choose” him: we both respected and trusted each other, there was a good connection between us and besides I was very curious.

Are you embarrassed to talk about it?

No. I really hope that young guys feeling ashamed about being who they are can find it as comforting as I did, can get informed before doing it, learn to appreciate it as a pure and innocent way of expressing love and therefore give more of their time to other important things in live.

Was the event really special in your life?

I now consider it just a normal step to make in life.

Did it influence your sex life?

Yes, it definitely gave me more confidence!

Susana Dias – 36 years old  – Portugal

Lost her virginity when she was 16 years old

Susana

What happened?

It happened at his place – we were neighbours, and since our parents worked all day long we had plenty of free time. We met a couple of weeks before while I was at my window. We started talking and eventually exchanged house numbers (no mobiles or proper internet at the time, funny how that sounds now). We dated a couple of times, and one day I went to his place, and I don’t even know what the reason for that was, but we got involved and things happened. I told him I’d never been with a boy at the very last minute.

Was it special?

It was a decision based more on a personal challenge than on feelings. It felt as some sort of milestone. It eventually turned into a relationship, which lasted for 5 years. Now I realise I was very immature, very dependent emotionally and I got stuck for way too much time in a relationship based on sex.

Why this moment? And why this person?

I thought I was ready. I was deeply in love with another boy from high school. Aside from some kisses nothing went the way I wanted because we were too shy. So then I met this guy, the typical stereotype of the “rebel guy”, to basically forget the first boy. He was damn pretty: big green eyes, brown long hair, wonderful body. He met my requirements to forget the two-years platonic passion I had had for the other boy.

Are you embarrassed to talk about it?

No. It wasn’t memorable at all, no orgasm and actually a bit painful.

Did it influence your sex life?

Yes: after we broke up I spent around three years unable to relate with anyone else in any way. Slowly things started happening again, and I started enjoying sex together with more healthy emotions. It was a lifetime learning process.

Stephanie Haase – 32 years old – Germany

Lost her virginity when she was 16.

stephanie

What happened?

It happened outside in a meadow, after a party. It was summer, the end of the school year, and we were celebrating in the mountains, where our friend’s family had a cottage. It was a very nice evening, with lots of people around.

What made it special or not special?

It wasn’t really special. The guy was just a friend, not my boyfriend. We were making out and one thing led to the other. It was alright, but nothing special. There was also plenty of alcohol involved. He was a friend and classmate. And he was available :-).

Why did you lose it back then?

I think I wanted to lose my virginity. I had broken up with my really lovely boyfriend a few weeks before, and regretted not having slept with him. So I guess I wanted to get it done with. There had been a few incidents where I had been close to losing it, but it never happened. Also, I was going abroad for a year a few weeks later, and I think I saw it as a sort of rite of passage, a sign that I was a grown-up.

Are you embarrassed to talk about it?

Not really. It’s not that I think I should have waited, but sometimes, I wonder if a more special first time would have meant more.

Did it influence your sex life ?

I don’t think so. Sex is different every time, and with every new partner. I don’t think a good or bad first time will shape your future sex life.

Florent Vola – 26 years old – France

Lost his virginity at 20.

What happened? Where? Any special event?

I took on an internship in another town. I had to move there and it was hard for me to make friends as I was at work most of the time, and my work colleagues were quite older than me. I was chatting online for friends-making purposes only. I agreed to meet a guy. Once we were at his place – yes I was a bit naïve – he kissed me and it turned me on so I let myself go. It was on my mother’s birthday I remember. I was away so could not be celebrating it with her.

What made it special?

What made it special is that it didn’t happen the way I expected at all. I’ve always been quite a shy person, especially when it comes to dating. I was always thinking that losing my virginity would happen with someone with whom I felt close to. Even the idea of getting all-naked with someone else was only possible if I wasn’t serious about that person. And here I was, having my first sexual experience with a stranger, and I never saw him again. Not sure I even remember his name.

Why did you lose it then?

I didn’t think I could let myself go, but after two seconds of being kissed in the neck I stopped thinking and got into it.

Are you embarrassed to talk about it?

No. There’s nothing special about it. Everybody has a first time.

Did it influence your sex life ?

It did. It definitely made me more confident about being intimate with someone. It made me make less of a deal of sex and nudity. But in a way I guess it made me be less serious. I could easily have adventures and did not really explore deeper relations. I think that maybe if I had had my first time with someone special, I’d have been seeking serious relationships more than just fun.

Maite Garcia – 25 years old – Spain

Her first time happened when she was 23 years old.

When did you lose your virginity?

I lost my virginity on the 1st of April a few years ago. It was just a random day, and still is. I just remember it so clearly just because I was in Cuba with some friends, celebrating my graduation. Sun, good food, lots of new things and new people. The expectations were high, but the last night was the perfect ending for that Cuban experience.

And so what happened?

After a nice conversation and a bit of flirting on the dance floor, this guy took me to the beach to have a walk. We were talking about the future, our plans… It was curious to discover the hopes of someone older and more used to the real life than me. Then things started to become more intimate, so after a previous “warm up” in a kind of public area, he took me to a “camerino” (dressing room) behind a stage at our hotel. And there, lying on the floor with a simple towel behind my back, I lost my virginity.

What made it special?

It was a special moment because of the context. I was on holiday, the guy was really nice… I always get the feeling that it was kind of a dream. Everything was perfect. I remember next morning, explaining what had happened to my best friend. She was happier than me! There was just one negative thing: I was never able to find one of my earrings that got lost that night.

Why did you lose it back then? 

For sure I didn’t plan anything. Of course I had thought about it many times, imagining how it would be, with whom… But that night I remember I just thought: why not? He made me feel comfortable, special and as if I was the only woman around. I remember thinking that there’s always a first time for everyone, right? Let’s make it special then. The fact that he had a condom also made my decision easier. If he had not had any, the answer would have been a big NO.

Are you embarrassed to talk about it?

Not at all, Even though I was the only girl among my friends that had had a one night experience – all my girlfriends had lost their virginity with their boyfriends – it’s something I don’t regret or feel embarrassed to talk about.

Was the event really special in your life?

I guess that being the first time having a complete sex experience, it’s a moment I will always remember. Good memories, that’s it. It was a special moment, of course. But after a shy and a little bit clumsy first experience, practice and talking about what you like to your partner have taught me lots of interesting things.

Did it influence your sex life?

It didn’t. But the fact that it was a one night experience and that it happened away from my “normal” life helped me to realize that there’s more ways to conceive sex, not just as a part of a relationship, but also as a fun experience, without any attachments or worries about the day after.

All photos supplied by writers. Teaser image: ang3llo3 / Deviantart (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0)

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