In this issue’s Hot Facts, we look more closely at European habits when it comes to diddling, jilling, wanking, fapping – or, simply put, masturbation.
Masturbation, the art of self-pleasure, is something a lot of us do, and enjoy. And there is a plethora of masturbating techniques out there, ways of stimulating and playing with yourself – touching, rubbing, clenching, pinching – to reach climax.
An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away
Whether it’s rubbing against a pillow, using a vibrator or a hand up and down the shaft, masturbation is a healthy celebration of sex. And apparently, the Swiss are good at celebrating. Dating site C-Date’s survey of ten European countries and Brazil found that the Swiss are the most frequent masturbators. But the Swiss aren’t the only European promoters of masturbation.
In 2009, British media wrote about the NHS campaign for the right to a pleasant sex life in a leaflet to school pupils. In the leaflet, under the heading “an orgasm a day, keeps the doctor away”, it said “Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?” If only more health advice could be so refreshing! Spain is another example, where the local government of Extremadura in western Spain promoted a controversial campaign on giving masturbation advice to pupils, in order to teach them more about anatomy and raise self-esteem.
Click the mouse and milk the pony
We enjoy doing it, we know that, but we also know that there are a lot of humorous expressions for masturbation. We asked around in Europe and found quite a few funny ones:
honit ocas = to chase your tail
klikat na myšku = to click on the mouse (female)
Spela på skinnflöjten = play the leather flute
Spela fickpingis = play pocket ping-pong
een abrupt einde maken aan miljoenen levens = to end a million lives abrubtly
je ponnie melken = milking your pony
voorhuidjoggen = foreskin jogging
achtjes draaien = twisting little eights (female)
näppu panema = fuck a finger
taskupiljardit mängima = to play pocketpool
Bash the bishop
Spank the monkey
Flick the bean (female)
gnubbe ærten = to rub the pea (female)
hive i aben = to pull your monkey
On a final note, if you are up for quite a challenge, why not sign up for the next Masturbate-a-thon? This for-a-good-cause event is the ultimate celebration of self-pleasure. Be aware of the current record: 10 hours and 10 minutes of masturbation. Can you beat it?
Cover Photo: Meredith_Farmer